There just aren't enough hours in the day. I know setting time aside to tap is important, but I have trouble focusing on my tapping. When I sit down to tap I have a million thoughts running through my head. What can I do to focus on the task at hand?
This is a common problem. We know we need to take care of ourselves, but we don't think we have the time to do it. Some how we keep adding more and more responsibilities to our days.
But we HAVE to find time to take of ourselves. When we don't take care of ourselves we become less effective (and often sick), which puts us even farther behind.
I encourage all my clients to take some time, every time, to focus before they start tapping. I know when I do this I am less distracted, more focused on the task at hand, and I am more likely to spend more time tapping.
Usually I recommend they address a few areas before tapping:
1) Dealing with any resistance to believing EFT works
EFT seems so weird
How is it possible that tapping on my face and body is going to help me emotionally
If my friends saw me now, the would think I have lost my mind
But tapping has worked in the past
It does make me feel better
And it only takes a few minutes of time
Even if the tapping has nothing to do with it, by taking sometime for myself that is good for me
2) Dealing with a cluttered over busy mind
I have a million thoughts running through my head
There are so many things that need to be done
My thoughts are running a million miles a second
But I choose to know that I can focus my mind
I know that I can slow the thoughts down
I give myself permission to let all those thought go
I know that as my mind slows down I will relax
I don’t need all those thoughts right now
I am focused here
3) Dealing with feelings of guilt for not doing the tasks that are at hand
This is so much to get done
I am so far behind
Every time I catch up some new problem erupts
I don't have time to do this tapping
I don't have time to take care of myself
I should be working on my to do list
I should be making dinner, cleaning the house, getting work done, working out
But I choose to know that I need to take care of myself
I know that if I don’t take care of my self I will get sick and won't be able to get done what I need to get done
I give myself permission to take time for myself
I deserve to take some time for myself
I know that when I take care of myself I am a happier more efficient person
You can do each of these by them selves or you can just run through all three sets without stopping. The goal of this tapping is to get your self into the mindset that will allow you to take the time you need to tap, guilt free.
If after doing all these phrases you are still unsettled and not focused, just tap through the phases again.
Learn EFT | Submit a question
Showing posts with label phrases. Show all posts
Showing posts with label phrases. Show all posts
August 17, 2007
August 16, 2007
I am doing it all WRONG!
It is hard for me to get motivated to do EFT because I am afraid I am going to do it wrong. What can I do?
Trying new things is always hard. We are use to being able to do things wells. Most of us, as adults, don't have to learn many new skills. Because of this, when we are faced with learning a new skill it is uncomfortable.
To learn a new skill it means we have to admit we don't know something.
To learn a new skill it means we are going to fail on some level because we are not going to get it right the first time.
When we were small children learning to walk, we failed lots of times. Each time we failed there was the consequence of falling down. And we did this a lot.
Not only that, we learned to walk in front of our family, who saw us fail time and again, but we could finally take a few wobbly steps on our own.
Luckily we weren't self conscious at that point in our life. Failure did not deter us. Having others see us fail did not deter us. We simply wanted to walk and we were going to do what ever it took to do it.
As adult, it is not as easy. We don't like the feeling of failure. We don't like knowing we are not very good at something. We REALLY DON"T LIKE having others see us struggle at something.
Because of these feelings there is a part of us which will try (and often succeed) in talking us out of trying new things. This part of ourselves is trying to protect us from the feelings of failure and embarrassment of looking bad in front of others.
These feeling are fine to have, but if we let them control us we will never try anything new and we won't grow.
It is no surprise that people have a hard time doing EFT on their own at first.
First, EFT it self is so mysterious. It is a modality that is outside of our normal experience of the world. (What do you mean tapping me face will help my fear?) Because it is so foreign to our experience, it must be something that is very hard to master.
Second, typically when someone learns EFT, they learn from an experienced EFTer. This person seems to come up with just the right phrase at the just the right time. It appears that picking the right phrase is a difficult skill to be mastered.
Speaking as someone who has done EFT for a long time, when I am working with clients I am often guessing right along with the client as to what phase to use next. With experience I have gotten better at figuring out what path to head down. But I don't always know what I am doing.
The reason I am able to do this, is because EFT is so forgiving. There is no way that you can do EFT wrong. If you do a round of tapping, getting no progress, the round it not a failure. Instead the round has given you information.
You now know you might need some water in your system, that you are psychologically reversed, or you need more specific phrases. You are one step closer to success because you have more information.
It also didn't cost you very much to get this new information. It only cost your 45 to 60 seconds. With this new information, you can then start a new round of tapping.
If you struggle with feeling you are going to fail when you do EFT here are some phrase you can use to start your session.
I know EFT is a powerful tool.
I have seen it work in my own life.
I have felt it in my own body.
I have heard amazing stories of all that it can do.
But I worry that I am not going to do it right.
It is still something I don't understand.
It work get when I was working Gene.
He is really go at EFT.
But I am not as good as he is.
But I choose to know I can't do this wrong.
Even if I use the wrong words.
Even if I tap the wrong points.
There is not penalty for doing this.
I only waste a few second of my life.
Each time I do a round of tapping I get more information.
Making the next round of tapping more successful.
I give myself permission for the next 20 minutes to make mistakes.
Because making mistakes is the only way I am going to learn
I am not very good at EFT right now.
But the only way I am going to get better is if I try and make mistakes.
This is how I learned to walk, and talk, and drive a car.
At the beginning those things were really hard to do.
But with practice I got better.
I am going to do the same thing with EFT.
I am going to try, because it is in the trying that I am going to learn.
Learn EFT | Submit a question
Trying new things is always hard. We are use to being able to do things wells. Most of us, as adults, don't have to learn many new skills. Because of this, when we are faced with learning a new skill it is uncomfortable.
To learn a new skill it means we have to admit we don't know something.
To learn a new skill it means we are going to fail on some level because we are not going to get it right the first time.
When we were small children learning to walk, we failed lots of times. Each time we failed there was the consequence of falling down. And we did this a lot.
Not only that, we learned to walk in front of our family, who saw us fail time and again, but we could finally take a few wobbly steps on our own.
Luckily we weren't self conscious at that point in our life. Failure did not deter us. Having others see us fail did not deter us. We simply wanted to walk and we were going to do what ever it took to do it.
As adult, it is not as easy. We don't like the feeling of failure. We don't like knowing we are not very good at something. We REALLY DON"T LIKE having others see us struggle at something.
Because of these feelings there is a part of us which will try (and often succeed) in talking us out of trying new things. This part of ourselves is trying to protect us from the feelings of failure and embarrassment of looking bad in front of others.
These feeling are fine to have, but if we let them control us we will never try anything new and we won't grow.
It is no surprise that people have a hard time doing EFT on their own at first.
First, EFT it self is so mysterious. It is a modality that is outside of our normal experience of the world. (What do you mean tapping me face will help my fear?) Because it is so foreign to our experience, it must be something that is very hard to master.
Second, typically when someone learns EFT, they learn from an experienced EFTer. This person seems to come up with just the right phrase at the just the right time. It appears that picking the right phrase is a difficult skill to be mastered.
Speaking as someone who has done EFT for a long time, when I am working with clients I am often guessing right along with the client as to what phase to use next. With experience I have gotten better at figuring out what path to head down. But I don't always know what I am doing.
The reason I am able to do this, is because EFT is so forgiving. There is no way that you can do EFT wrong. If you do a round of tapping, getting no progress, the round it not a failure. Instead the round has given you information.
You now know you might need some water in your system, that you are psychologically reversed, or you need more specific phrases. You are one step closer to success because you have more information.
It also didn't cost you very much to get this new information. It only cost your 45 to 60 seconds. With this new information, you can then start a new round of tapping.
If you struggle with feeling you are going to fail when you do EFT here are some phrase you can use to start your session.
I know EFT is a powerful tool.
I have seen it work in my own life.
I have felt it in my own body.
I have heard amazing stories of all that it can do.
But I worry that I am not going to do it right.
It is still something I don't understand.
It work get when I was working Gene.
He is really go at EFT.
But I am not as good as he is.
But I choose to know I can't do this wrong.
Even if I use the wrong words.
Even if I tap the wrong points.
There is not penalty for doing this.
I only waste a few second of my life.
Each time I do a round of tapping I get more information.
Making the next round of tapping more successful.
I give myself permission for the next 20 minutes to make mistakes.
Because making mistakes is the only way I am going to learn
I am not very good at EFT right now.
But the only way I am going to get better is if I try and make mistakes.
This is how I learned to walk, and talk, and drive a car.
At the beginning those things were really hard to do.
But with practice I got better.
I am going to do the same thing with EFT.
I am going to try, because it is in the trying that I am going to learn.
Learn EFT | Submit a question
August 14, 2007
It Hurts!
When I tap, some of the spots are very sensitive, even to the point of hurting a little. It doesn't happen all the time and it is not always the same spot. Should I be worried?
It is a common experience for some (or all) of the tapping points to be a little sensitive. Remember we are tapping on the ends of energy channels, so they are going to be a little tender by nature.
Chiropractors and reflexologist report that tenderness and pain can be a sign that you have found a place that is definite need of work.
REMEMBER, when you are doing EFT you are taking total responsibility for your body. I am not a big fan of pain. When I encounter tapping points that are too painful, I won't tap them. When this happens there are two options.
The first option is "Touch and Breath" (TAB). In this method you lightly touch the tapping point and take a deep breath or two. This is very effective alternative to tapping. There are practitioners I know who only teach TAB because they have found their clients are less self-conscious and it equally effective as tapping.
The second option is to close your eyes and image you tapping on the point. The body responds and changes to our thoughts. Think of the last time you did some sort of relaxation meditation. Just by thinking relaxing thoughts you were able to calm down and release tension from the body.
It is very simple to do.
Say (or think) "This pain in my neck" and imagine you are tapping the eyebrow point.
"This pain in my neck" and imagine you are tapping the side of the eye.
...
Tapping by just thinking about points does take some practice. It is helpful if you watch yourself tap in a mirror, to help build the mental picture of you tapping. In the beginning it is not going to be as effective as tapping, but can be very powerful.
There are also two other advantages to tapping in your mind. First, you can do it in public with out anyone noticing. (Clients have reported it does look a little odd to start tapping in the middle of a staff meeting.) Second, you can move from tapping point to tapping point much quicker. As fast as you can move to the next point in your mind, you are tapping on the next point.
Learn EFT | Submit a question
It is a common experience for some (or all) of the tapping points to be a little sensitive. Remember we are tapping on the ends of energy channels, so they are going to be a little tender by nature.
Chiropractors and reflexologist report that tenderness and pain can be a sign that you have found a place that is definite need of work.
REMEMBER, when you are doing EFT you are taking total responsibility for your body. I am not a big fan of pain. When I encounter tapping points that are too painful, I won't tap them. When this happens there are two options.
The first option is "Touch and Breath" (TAB). In this method you lightly touch the tapping point and take a deep breath or two. This is very effective alternative to tapping. There are practitioners I know who only teach TAB because they have found their clients are less self-conscious and it equally effective as tapping.
The second option is to close your eyes and image you tapping on the point. The body responds and changes to our thoughts. Think of the last time you did some sort of relaxation meditation. Just by thinking relaxing thoughts you were able to calm down and release tension from the body.
It is very simple to do.
Say (or think) "This pain in my neck" and imagine you are tapping the eyebrow point.
"This pain in my neck" and imagine you are tapping the side of the eye.
...
Tapping by just thinking about points does take some practice. It is helpful if you watch yourself tap in a mirror, to help build the mental picture of you tapping. In the beginning it is not going to be as effective as tapping, but can be very powerful.
There are also two other advantages to tapping in your mind. First, you can do it in public with out anyone noticing. (Clients have reported it does look a little odd to start tapping in the middle of a staff meeting.) Second, you can move from tapping point to tapping point much quicker. As fast as you can move to the next point in your mind, you are tapping on the next point.
Learn EFT | Submit a question
August 8, 2007
Fear of Fear
I have a really big emotional issue I need to deal with, but I am afraid. In the past when I have tried to do work on the issue it was too painful and I am afraid to even think about the issue now. Is there some way I can get over my fear of the emotions that might come up?
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
-Franklin D. Roosevelt (1933)
I have noticed an interesting trend in my practice. Recently, I have had a number of clients who have come in for a session, but then spend the first twenty minutes talking about the newly painted office, the weather, and just about anything else to stall for time.
A perfect example would be "Jane," a client whom I had worked with for a number of months. She contacted my after mother had been raped. She postponed the appointment two times before she finally made it in.
Once she was in my office she was anything but focused on the task at hand. Finally after 15 minutes I asked her, "Do you want to do this or not?" She said she didn't know. She explained, "I know this is going to be very emotional and the feelings are so raw. I don't want to go into that pain."
I thanked her for here honesty. Then I asked her to show me with her hands how big all the emotions are.
[note: With my hypnosis background I am a huge fan of using imagery and visualization to find information about issues. The subconscious is a very powerful creative tool that is willing to give us information in lot of ways. I personally love watching clients come up with imagery that even surprise themselves.]
I specifically asked her to show me how big all of the emotions were (the emotions she felt about the situation and the emotions she felt about dealing with the situation). I know from experience that the more specific we get the better EFT is going to work, but in this case I didn't think there was going to be anyway that Jane was going to be able to separate the various emotions out.
She responded to my question by outline something about the size of a egg shaped beach ball. And so we started tapping:
This is such a scary time.
My heart is broken.
I know this has hurt me.
I am afraid to dive into to these emotions because it is going to hurt.
It is easier to just not think about this and burry it.
But I know I need to heal.
I need to move on.
I have used EFT in the past and it has worked for other things.
I know it will work for this.
I have worked with Gene in the past and he won't allow me to be harmed.
I trust the process.
I then asked her how much of the total emotion was left. She held her hands to the size of a softball. We then proceeded to work on the emotions that were surrounding the reason she had come in.
There a few thoughts I took away from this experience (and a number of similar experiences):
1) Often times the biggest hurdle to healing is our willingness to make the step towards healing. Part of ourselves prevent us from seeking the help we need because we assume it has to be painful. The body is just trying to protect us from the pain of the past, but it doesn't understand how much it is holding us back in the present.
Now, when I am working with someone who is dealing with a particularly emotional issue, I will check in on their feelings of working on the issue. If we need to clean up any emotional aspects about facing the problem, we can do that before we starting the work on the core issues they are seeking help for.
2) In the case documented it would appear that more than 70% of the issue was just the fear of dealing with the issues. I don't know if this is the case. It is very possible that we were also cleaning up aspects of the main issue while we were dealing with the fear of dealing with the issue. But it is very clear that the way that we interrupt the event can be as powerful, if not more powerful, than the event itself.
I have seen instances where clients can't seem to remember traumatic events from the past after they have cleaned up the emotional response. It is as if 70% of the memory is there emotional response to the memory.
Learn EFT | Submit a question
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
-Franklin D. Roosevelt (1933)
I have noticed an interesting trend in my practice. Recently, I have had a number of clients who have come in for a session, but then spend the first twenty minutes talking about the newly painted office, the weather, and just about anything else to stall for time.
A perfect example would be "Jane," a client whom I had worked with for a number of months. She contacted my after mother had been raped. She postponed the appointment two times before she finally made it in.
Once she was in my office she was anything but focused on the task at hand. Finally after 15 minutes I asked her, "Do you want to do this or not?" She said she didn't know. She explained, "I know this is going to be very emotional and the feelings are so raw. I don't want to go into that pain."
I thanked her for here honesty. Then I asked her to show me with her hands how big all the emotions are.
[note: With my hypnosis background I am a huge fan of using imagery and visualization to find information about issues. The subconscious is a very powerful creative tool that is willing to give us information in lot of ways. I personally love watching clients come up with imagery that even surprise themselves.]
I specifically asked her to show me how big all of the emotions were (the emotions she felt about the situation and the emotions she felt about dealing with the situation). I know from experience that the more specific we get the better EFT is going to work, but in this case I didn't think there was going to be anyway that Jane was going to be able to separate the various emotions out.
She responded to my question by outline something about the size of a egg shaped beach ball. And so we started tapping:
This is such a scary time.
My heart is broken.
I know this has hurt me.
I am afraid to dive into to these emotions because it is going to hurt.
It is easier to just not think about this and burry it.
But I know I need to heal.
I need to move on.
I have used EFT in the past and it has worked for other things.
I know it will work for this.
I have worked with Gene in the past and he won't allow me to be harmed.
I trust the process.
I then asked her how much of the total emotion was left. She held her hands to the size of a softball. We then proceeded to work on the emotions that were surrounding the reason she had come in.
There a few thoughts I took away from this experience (and a number of similar experiences):
1) Often times the biggest hurdle to healing is our willingness to make the step towards healing. Part of ourselves prevent us from seeking the help we need because we assume it has to be painful. The body is just trying to protect us from the pain of the past, but it doesn't understand how much it is holding us back in the present.
Now, when I am working with someone who is dealing with a particularly emotional issue, I will check in on their feelings of working on the issue. If we need to clean up any emotional aspects about facing the problem, we can do that before we starting the work on the core issues they are seeking help for.
2) In the case documented it would appear that more than 70% of the issue was just the fear of dealing with the issues. I don't know if this is the case. It is very possible that we were also cleaning up aspects of the main issue while we were dealing with the fear of dealing with the issue. But it is very clear that the way that we interrupt the event can be as powerful, if not more powerful, than the event itself.
I have seen instances where clients can't seem to remember traumatic events from the past after they have cleaned up the emotional response. It is as if 70% of the memory is there emotional response to the memory.
Learn EFT | Submit a question
August 6, 2007
I don’t know what to say! (part 1)
When I was working with the person who taught me EFT, it worked great. Now that I am working on my own, I don’t know what phrases to use. Do you have any suggestions?
This is a very common question. It is important to remember the words are not magical. They are used to help us pull what ever we are working on into the thought field. Often clients get worked up because they are feel like they are going to use the wrong words.
Remember there is no penalty for getting it “wrong”. The worst outcome with EFT is wasting 90 seconds of your life. Be easy about the words. Trust your intuition. What is import is your focus on the problem, not the words.
Over the next few weeks, I will address this with a number of suggestions on what to do when you can’t think of what to say.
Here is my first...
One of my EFT phone clients "Christi" was having a very hard time getting out of bed in the morning to go to the gym. We had been doing a lot of work about all the "penalties" for going to gym: Everyone will see she is so out of shape ... She doesn’t like the way she looks in exercise clothing ... She is so out of shape it is hopeless ... She will fail again. We were making great progress around these issues, but it was still a great struggle for her to get out of bed in the morning.
I had read an article from the “EFT Insights Newsletter” on Future Tapping for dealing with things we fear for the future and thought it might help for statement of things we would like to see happen. The thought being if we make statements about what we would like to have happen, all of the issues that prevent this from happening will arise, even if we don't name them or even know what they are (much like the Hero Technique).
So I had Christi rate how the truth of the statement, "I am going to jump out of bed tomorrow morning, energetically, and ready to go to the gym." She rated this as a 4 on a scale of 0 to 10. So we tapped...
I am going to climb in to bed and be relaxed.
My body is going to peacefully and naturally drift to sleep.
I am going to get a good night sleep.
The sleep will be restful.
I will wake up energized and ready for the day.
I am going to be ready to go to the gym.
I am going have a great work out.
I have going to be happy with my progress.
I am going to leave the gym full of energy for the rest of the day.
We then tested the truth of the statement, "I am going to jump out of bed tomorrow morning, energetically, and ready to go to the gym." It was now and 8 out of 10. I then asked what part of the statement didn't feel true. We were then able to deal with whatever residual issues were left (which I can't remember right now).
Christi has reported back that this a great tool and it has made it easier to get up in the morning to go to the gym. So much so, she now uses the technique to set up her whole day.
I have found this is a great technique for EFT beginners to use by themselves. Many of my clients don't feel like they know what they are supposed to say or what to focus in on when they are doing tapping on their own. This protocol is easy for them to use because all they need to do is state exactly what they want. The protocol is very simple:
1. State what you would like to see happen in the future. (e.g. I am going to spring out of bed tomorrow. I am going to be calm when I confront my boss. I am going to be at peace when I visit my mother in the hospital.)
2. Rate how true you think the statement is.
3. Keep tapping and state how everything is going to unfold in a prefect world.
4. Re-rate the original statement. If it is not fully true. Repeat the process.
Learn EFT | Submit a question
This is a very common question. It is important to remember the words are not magical. They are used to help us pull what ever we are working on into the thought field. Often clients get worked up because they are feel like they are going to use the wrong words.
Remember there is no penalty for getting it “wrong”. The worst outcome with EFT is wasting 90 seconds of your life. Be easy about the words. Trust your intuition. What is import is your focus on the problem, not the words.
Over the next few weeks, I will address this with a number of suggestions on what to do when you can’t think of what to say.
Here is my first...
One of my EFT phone clients "Christi" was having a very hard time getting out of bed in the morning to go to the gym. We had been doing a lot of work about all the "penalties" for going to gym: Everyone will see she is so out of shape ... She doesn’t like the way she looks in exercise clothing ... She is so out of shape it is hopeless ... She will fail again. We were making great progress around these issues, but it was still a great struggle for her to get out of bed in the morning.
I had read an article from the “EFT Insights Newsletter” on Future Tapping for dealing with things we fear for the future and thought it might help for statement of things we would like to see happen. The thought being if we make statements about what we would like to have happen, all of the issues that prevent this from happening will arise, even if we don't name them or even know what they are (much like the Hero Technique).
So I had Christi rate how the truth of the statement, "I am going to jump out of bed tomorrow morning, energetically, and ready to go to the gym." She rated this as a 4 on a scale of 0 to 10. So we tapped...
I am going to climb in to bed and be relaxed.
My body is going to peacefully and naturally drift to sleep.
I am going to get a good night sleep.
The sleep will be restful.
I will wake up energized and ready for the day.
I am going to be ready to go to the gym.
I am going have a great work out.
I have going to be happy with my progress.
I am going to leave the gym full of energy for the rest of the day.
We then tested the truth of the statement, "I am going to jump out of bed tomorrow morning, energetically, and ready to go to the gym." It was now and 8 out of 10. I then asked what part of the statement didn't feel true. We were then able to deal with whatever residual issues were left (which I can't remember right now).
Christi has reported back that this a great tool and it has made it easier to get up in the morning to go to the gym. So much so, she now uses the technique to set up her whole day.
I have found this is a great technique for EFT beginners to use by themselves. Many of my clients don't feel like they know what they are supposed to say or what to focus in on when they are doing tapping on their own. This protocol is easy for them to use because all they need to do is state exactly what they want. The protocol is very simple:
1. State what you would like to see happen in the future. (e.g. I am going to spring out of bed tomorrow. I am going to be calm when I confront my boss. I am going to be at peace when I visit my mother in the hospital.)
2. Rate how true you think the statement is.
3. Keep tapping and state how everything is going to unfold in a prefect world.
4. Re-rate the original statement. If it is not fully true. Repeat the process.
Learn EFT | Submit a question
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)